I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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