oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
