how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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