DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
