i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize