just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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