i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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