she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
