Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize