batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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