i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I could fuck to npr.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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