If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
