I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
