My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I want a musical about memes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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