The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
