you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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