I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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