I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
