Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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