Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
