I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
