They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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