You can't special order awesome
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize