my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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