Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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