Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was born a porn star she said
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
