im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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