Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize