is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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