Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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