Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
