hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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