You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
please don't ironically join a cult
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