Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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