Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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