I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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