My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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