Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
