That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
