I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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