party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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