So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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