See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Shame - the story of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
