Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
