The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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