Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
