Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize