We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
