My liver just broke up with me...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
