you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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