we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
