Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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