3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
