"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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