Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
