Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
