I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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