The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
