We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
