Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
