Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
