at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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