i need an iv and a liver transplant
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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