I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
