Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
