You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
