he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize