In the future we'll all be gay
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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