Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
