I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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