yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
