she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
